


The Long Winter

by Jayxm



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, As I’ve had more time to think—my theories have gotten more gruesome. New added tags., Canon Compliant, Cute lesbians, F/F, Fluff, Heartfelt, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Possible smut, Smut, Sweet, Violence, god they’re so adorable, gonna be a long one boys, possible death, sad Woods hours, theory, time to make you sad with me bois, why do I have to hurt myself like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2020-10-29 17:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20800049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayxm/pseuds/Jayxm
Summary: Ellie and Dina head off on their patrol, finding love and enemies along the way. Based on the state of the play trailer for The Last of Us two, my personal thoughts on what could happen.—————-“So... on a scale of one to ten...” Dina paused soaking up her view of Ellie. “How would you rate our kiss from last night?”Ellie froze, then chuckled. “Well, maybe like a solid... 5?” Dina’s jaw dropped like a rusted hinge.“Five?”





	1. The Last Day In Jackson

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I’m so hyped for TLOU2.

Kissing Dina was, without a doubt, one of the worst choices Ellie Williams had ever made. Stewing in her bedroom alone, Ellie ran through the night again. How did she go from talking to Jesse about him and Dina to kissing her herself? Her best friend.

Ellie could still smell the sweat and cherry blossom perfume on her neck. She could still feel her cheek against her own. The blinding lights of white and gold shimmering around them. With a sweet and tender touch Dina’s words melted into Ellie’s ears.

She could still taste the wine on Dina’s lips and the faint honey on her tongue. She felt absolutely engulfed by her. With flowering words slurring softly together, Dina had pulled Ellie into her arms and onto her lips. It was dizzying to kiss Dina. Entrancing and exhilarating, but terrifying nonetheless. 

In the dark of her room Ellie sighed and sat up in bed. Slipping on her boots and pulling on a jacket she glanced at the clock; It was 4 am and she couldn’t get any sleep before the 6 am meeting at the gates. Grabbing her rifle, Ellie slipped out the door. She snuck between the buildings to Dina’s house, a horrible mistake on her part yet one she couldn’t help but make. There were two hours before they’d have to leave for patrol; two hours Ellie planned to make use of. 

Knocking on Dina’s window with a lack of hesitation only a best friend would have, Ellie places herself squarely in the bushes. A moment and a groggy grunt later, the window slid open with a very long, low, squeal. Dina’s hair hadn’t been removed from the bun on her head and loose strands stood on end. Her eyes were squinted shut and she rubbed away the sleep with her hands. She dawned a vaguely irritated and vaguely amused glare. 

“Oh my, Ellie. Come to sneak in and get freaky eh?” Dina snarked, teasing at her collarbone and misaligned shirt.

Ellie scoffed before slipping inside. “I’m not the one that got all flustered and kissed me at a party.” She flopped herself on Dina’s bed and gasped in mock shock, bringing her hand to her forehead. “ _ Scarlett woman _ !” 

Dina sighed and closed the window before sauntering over to Ellie on her bed raising her eyebrows. “Says the girl that just placed herself in my bed.” 

Ellie’s face went red hot with shock and Dina chuckled maniacally before leaning in uncomfortably close. Ellie could feel her breath on her neck, smelling vaguely like alcohol and soggy morning air. 

“You’re so easily flustered El.” She whispered harshly, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. 

Ellie inhaled sharply at the closeness of the situation. Her eyelids fluttered and her stomach swirled warmly before Dina pulled back.

“Sorry too much?” Dina chuckled, but a hint of concern seeped through. 

Ellie smiled and gruffly murmured under her breath “No of course not... I just....” 

Ellie looked up and locked lips with Dina who leaned further into the kiss, straddling Ellie on the bed beneath her. Her hand traced Ellie’s jawline and her eyes gleamed devilishly in the moonlight.

“So you  did come here to seduce me didn’t you?” Dina peppered Ellie’s neck with a flurry of small kisses. “Sorry.” Her whisper was raw. “You’re just kind of addicting...” Dina added before nibbling at the nape of her neck.

Ellie felt paralyzed in shock at the sheer situation, she could’ve never imagined this before the party last night yet here she was. She breathed deeply into Dina’s neck and shut her eyes.

“Man. You stop cracking jokes  real quick when-“ Ellie put her finger to her lips. “Don’t finish that sentence.” She murmured with feign sternness. 

Dina enveloped her with hugs and kisses, devouring her in warmth. Cuddled up in the cold weather under blankets, the two girls sighed contently into each other. The blankets were wrapped around them, holding them tightly together. Ellie nuzzled Dina who was groggily half asleep.

“ Dina ” she whispered softly. “We have to get up. Patrol starts in half an hour.” Dina grunted, her lips pursing into a pout before burying into Ellie’s shoulder. 

“Dina come on.” Dina held onto Ellie tighter. “I swear you won’t be able to use me as a human furnace during the patrol if you don’t  get up .” Ellie threatened.

There was a moments pause before Dina loudly groaned, throwing her head back. “I have to hand it to you you drive a hard bargain Mrs. Williams.” Dina rolled over in bed, planting herself face first in a pillow. “oo’ be’er fallow uhp on that en Ellie” Dina stammered, muffled by the pillow, now slightly damp.

“I will I will... now come on let’s go Dee.” 

* * *

At the gates of Jackson, the sky was flooding with a slightly lighter shade of blue. Ellie and Dina had managed up onto their horses and gathered their supplies and rations. The other patrols trampled their hooves in circles awaiting their departure. 

“You run into anything you can’t handle-“ 

Ellie loaded a bullet into place and jammed her feet in the holds of the saddle.

“-you come back.” 

Dina sent a quick smirk Ellie’s way before nodding at the other patrols. 

“Good luck out their folks... and come back safe.” 

The clomping of horse hooves echoed through the gates of Jackson as the patrol parties set off into the snowy paths. Ellie and Dina were assigned to head towards the suburbs for extra supplies, a few weeks away from their woodland hideout. Clambering down the fresh snow path, leaving deep prints in their wake, the pair set off with a harmonious cacophony of banter. 

“You know how you’re gonna die?” 

“Let me guess, you’re gonna kill me?” 

“...”

“Hah did I ruin your punchline?” 

“... no.... maybe.... fuck you.” 

Dina reared her horse back and took a sharp right down a narrow path between the evergreen trees. “Lucky you, were here already. Home sweet outpost.” Dina tied her horse, Nathan, to the railing of the porch of the small cottage the two had been using as an outpost for the past few runs. Ellie quickly followed suit tying Richard, more affectionately known as Dick, beside Nathan. 

“I’m pooped Dee. Could you cook up the soup cans?” Dina pursed her lips sourly before Ellie combatted quickly, “... and I  swear I’ll be the furnace tonight.” 

Dina seemed to consider this a moment before curtly nodding and grabbing the pack off the side of Nathan. “Your wish is my command my liege.” 

As Dina disappeared inside ‘Housepost’, Ellie pet Dick gently along his mane before pulling out her bow and scanning the nearby woods. The woods were especially quiet aside from the fleeting fall of snow off weak branches. The sky was ever-darkening as Ellie scanned the perimeter before heading back inside. Dina was scowling over a peeled back can of ‘Grilled Chicken Sausage and Gumbo’. She sent a frustrated glance up at Ellie. 

“The can attacked me.” Dina gestured to a small cut along her thumb. Ellie chuckled. 

“I guess we’ll just have to put it out of its misery...” Ellie jokes before bringing the can two her lips only to quickly jolt back, her hand shooting to her lip. A trickle of blood trailed from a small gash in her bottom lip. 

“I told you! That can is out to get us!” Dinahowled before wiping away the droplets of blood on Ellie’s chin. 

Dina began shuffling through her bag vigorously. “Don’t worry, I brought something for that. A little bit of fun too....” she stuck her tongue out pulling out a wrapped piece of paper, very obviously a blunt. 

Lighting it on the hot coals, Dina brought it to her lips and inhaled, smoke trailing from her lips. She held it out to a doe eyed Ellie who very cautiously took a hit, coughing and hacking as she did so. 

“This” *cough* “is” Ellie hunched over and hacked violently “ _ awful _ ” 

Dina smirked. “That’s the  fun  part Ellie.” 

Ellie coughed once more, handing the blunt back which Dina promptly took another hit of.

“So... on a scale of one to ten...” Dina paused soaking up her view of Ellie. “How would you rate our kiss from last night?” 

Ellie froze, then chuckled. “Well, maybe like a solid... five?” Dina’s jaw dropped like a rusted hinge. 

“ _ Five _ ? ”  She gasped. 

“Well yeah. I mean, I  did  say you smelled like garbage Dee.” Dina scoffed loudly. “ Five... wow  \- I see how it is.” 

“I mean, if you want to try and raise that standard be my guest.” Ellie smirked before Dina cocked her head to the side.

“Oh ha ha Williams” Dina leaned in and brushed her lips softly against Ellie, Ellie’s mouth parting before Dina promptly pulled away. “But. I’m only a five. Sorry, guess you’ll have to wait till I improve.” Dina pulled away smiling at a flustered and frustrated Ellie on the floor. She buried her head in Ellie’s chest, cuddling up and closing her eyes.

“Night night El.” 

“‘Night Dee.” 


	2. That Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Dina trek into the suburbs for supplies only to find they aren’t as alone as they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad you enjoy it so much!! I’m going to try and update frequently.

Dina was way too tired to get up at five in the morning like Ellie Williams did. She absolutely was not a morning person and she never would be, but she also _hated_ waking up without Ellie at her side; She was in quite the conundrum if she’d say so herself.

At around nine, Dina woke to bright white light blaring through the gaps in the boarded up windows that had aligned just perfectly with the sun to blind her. Wincing and covering her eyes, Dina turned her head away from the blinding light with a groan. There was a soft whinny from Nathan outside and Dina worriedly sat up to peek despite exhaustion. 

“_Fuck_” she whispered, grabbing her rifle and ducking behind the old and decrepit couch. 

Two men with large guns at the ready were slowly untying Nathan and Dick. Dina frantically glanced around for any sign of Ellie and then took a deep breath before ducking under the window and pulling up her rifle. _Two men. Two men she could take._ She could almost hear Ellie nagging in her ear. _There’s never just two men._ Dina ground her teeth together and sent a sideways glance down the street, no one else immediately in sight yet, that was a good sign. 

She brought up the rifle and pushed the barrel between the boards, lining up the man holding Nathan in her sights. The buck of the rifle dug into her shoulder and the bullet pierced through his shoulder and he fell over in a heap. Nathan whinnied up at the shock and the second man started shouting.

”WOLF, WOLF” the man latched on tight to Dick, ducking himself behind him as he moved down the street.

Grunting, Dina followed him in her sights. She wasn’t a good enough shot to hit his moving foot and not hit Dick. Pulling the rifle back inside she grabbed her other weapons, noticing Ellie’s were already gone. Dina grumbled something under her breath about hating mornings before rolling up her bedroll and quickly stomping out the remnants of the fire. 

* * *

Ellie had gone off hunting in the nearby woods. A second, terrible mistake she’d add. The hunt was finding itself rather prosperous nonetheless. She’d landed them a rabbit and fox clambering through the snow for mice. She’d never prepared fox before but she was sure it couldn’t be too difficult, probably something like dog. Tying the two creatures to her belt and tucking in her pants from the snow she began to turn back towards the housepost. **_Bang_**! A single gunshot echoed through the trees and muffled noises followed. Ellie bit the inside of her cheek which was cold and tasted vaguely of blood. 

_Fuck_

Ellie took off between the snow dense trees, readying her gun at her side and taking off the safety with a _click_. Reaching the small dirt road of the housepost, buried on the outskirt of a small town, Ellie’s first note was that Dick, her beloved horse, was nowhere to be seen. Nathan whinnied and smashed his hoof into the snow in discontent but remained tied to the rail.

Her eyes followed to the body beside him, a red pool of blood had mixed into the frozen snow around it. There was enough of it to partially melt bits of the snow and the blood hadn’t yet completely frozen, it was only about ten minutes old or so. Rushing inside the housepost she called out.

”Dina?”

”Dina you in here?” 

“Dina?” 

Her voice was flaked with fear and her hand trembled. She scanned the house, their stuff was gone, there was no sign of Dina, yet Nathan sat outside. Panic set in fast and Ellie’s eyes flit about the room. _What if they took her? Who are they? They took our stuff and they took Dina, why else would Dina leave her horse here? Where’s Dick? Oh god... Dina_. The thoughts flooded in and dissipated quickly. A little note on the corner table had caught her eye.

_In town. group here. Stay low. _

_Love Dina. _

Ellie breathed a sigh of relief before glancing out the boarded windows into the snow. A flurry of snow began to fall clouding the sky with white, it would be rather inconvenient for them in a fight, but not for Ellie. She closed her eyes and thought of _that_ winter. Blistering cold, blood and taunting words. _Run little rabbit run. _

Ellie could handle herself in winter. She ground her teeth together at the memories and winced. She _would_ handle herself in winter.

Quietly, Ellie slipped out the back door with a very low whine of the rusted hinges. The cold bit at her fingertips and her nose as she followed light but frantic footsteps in the snow that could only be Dina. 

The clammer and raucous of voices and hooves on the main road tore her attention away. Safe behind a house she listened in carefully.

“I swear this guy took out Mack one bullet and was gone. Haven’t seen them at all, just saw the muzzle flare in that damn house.”

”But there’s no one there which means they can’t be far, there were two horses. Two people. Probably didn’t leave whoever it was behind.” 

“I mean I guess not. But Jai, there’s nothing useful to us here. We should just dip out and take our losses as is. We don’t need-“ 

“_Don’t_ tell me what we do and don’t need Gabe.”

”They’ve got horses Gabe. No casual traveler with no ties has horses anymore man. They’ve got a _group_. They’ve got _people_. Any you know what people means Gabe?”

”Supplies. Yeah. I know.” Gabe murmured, resignedly.

Ellie cursed under her breath at the five men talking. She couldn’t see any more but that meant nothing. Her best shot was to find Dina. Dick whinnied from behind the building. They had him. She looked down. She loved Dick but Dina was priority. Get Dina, take out these men and high tail it out of there. Hopefully with Dick and Nathan intact. 

Scrambling quickly across the gap between buildings Ellie glanced around. No Dina. She debated for a moment if that was good or bad before deciding, good. They didn’t have Dina, she was well hidden. She’d run into her sooner or later. Taking a sharp inhale of breath Ellie brought the pistol in her wasteland up. There had to be a way to break up this group. She couldn’t take them all at once right now. 

Pulling a stray brick from the building she threw it onto the next porch. Waiting cautiously for the group to disperse Ellie winced in anticipation. _Just like old times_. 

One by one, Ellie took down the men in town. All, but the man identified as Jai. Holding her rifle up high at the man with her eye down the sights she called out. 

“Who are you? How large is your group?” She grit her teeth and wiped away the blood droplets on her forehead from a nasty slice with a dagger. 

The man, Jai, held his hands up over head with a nearly flat expression.

”Jai. You killed my group.” 

“Don’t bullshit me. I heard you. You’ve got more people.” She bluffed her voice rising ragged in her throat. 

“I’m not. We’re just a traveling group looking for supplies. I promise. Let me go, I’m not strong enough to come back and hurt you.” 

“You didn’t say ‘were’.” She cocked back the rifle. In a flash Jai had taken off, weaving himself behind broken down cars and towards the woods.

”Fuck!” Ellie rasped, vaulting herself over a car hood towards the escapee. 

A crash from behind her caused her to halt in her tracks. _Dina_. She had to make sure Dina was okay, that was priority. Glancing over her shoulder towards a fleeing Jai, she sighed. She really hoped he wasn’t lying about being to weak to come back. 

Darting into the house Dina was pushed against the counter, a 20 year old man’s hands were wrapped tightly around her throat and he held a gun to her abdomen.

”Where’s your group sweet heart? Got any friends with you?”

His breath was hot on her neck and in a loud bang and flash he was on the floor. His hand slackened from her neck and the gun dropped to the old shattered linoleum. 

Dina’s hand rushed to her red and bruising throat, coughing with rapid, raspy, breaths. Her hand went to her stomach, a hot welt from a freshly fired barrel forming through her singed shirt. 

“Thank God for you Ellie. Right on time as always early bird.” Dina rasped out, her voice gritty and strained. 

“Let’s get out of here Dee. I’ll find us someplace to rest.” Ellie whispered, putting her hand on Dina’s shoulder and guiding her out towards the horses.

* * *

Lying down groggily on the couch with Dina’s head resting in her lap, Ellie let out a content sigh. Dina looked up at her with a familiar warmth in her eyes. Her hands fiddled with Ellie’s wrist, right where her pulse could be felt. 

“Hey Ellie?” She whispered quietly, the corners of her mouth twitched.

There was a moments pause. “... yeah?” 

Dina’s eyes flirted downward, finding a loose stitch in the hem of Ellie’s sweatshirt before continuing. 

“What is it about winter?” She murmured under her breath.

”What is it about winter that....?” Ellie glanced at the door, avoiding Dina.

”You know what I mean.” Dina exhaled, pulling the loose string free and snapping the other end. 

”...yeah. I do.” Ellie sighed and her brow furrowed tightly. Her hand went to Dina’s and Dina’s eyes locked with hers, forgetting the ruined hemming. 

“Before I got to Jackson. When I was with Joel on the road...” Ellie bit her tongue, it was difficult to tell this story leaving out.... oh never mind that. “Joel got hurt. I was young and trying to take care of him. And this group captured me.” 

Ellie glanced up at the ceiling before locking eyes with Dina again. If she was going to omit details to her best friend she had to be as truthful and genuine as she could be. 

“They were cannibals. They were going to cut me up and eat me, but I got loose. Took off in a blizzard only to be faced with their leader, David.” 

“He taunted me, chased me, it was terrifying. When he caught me, he kicked me, got on top of me...” there was a deep pause and Dina remained stiffly quiet. “I don’t know what he would’ve done, and I don’t want to... but I killed him. Brutally with a machete over, and over again.” She shook her head and closed her eyes.

Dina put her hand on the side of Ellie’s face with a sad smile.

”Winter brings it back yknow? The fear... no the _terror_. It feels like I’m being hunted all over again.” Dina nodded in response.

”Bad connotations. I get it.” Dina whispered. “You’re just going to have to have better memories of winter then.”

Dina pecked Ellie softly on the cheek, wrapping her arms around her neck. Ellie sighed in content before pulling back. 

“We should probably... talk about... this. Shouldn’t we?” Ellie closed her eyes and shook her head in what seemed to be confusion. “Us. I mean.” 

Dina’s eyes scanned her face affectionately before nodding gently. 

“Yeah yeah we probably should.” She turned her head over her shoulder and sent a sideways glance over her shoulder. “You first?” 

Ellie chuckled stiffly. “Why is it always me first?” Dina winced. 

“No... ugh. Never mind. I’ll go first.” Dina swept a curl behind her ear. 

“I-“ she paused closing her eyes gently. “I really like you Ellie. I have for a long time. You’re so strong and smart and sweet. You’re my best friend, but I’ve always felt more for you then just... friendship.” She sent a worried glance over to Ellie. “And drunk me acted on those feelings.” 

“So did sober you.” Ellie chuckled, loosening up at the usual banter. “I really like you too Dee. Like, more than friends.” 

“So... are you my girlfriend now or....” Ellie shoved Dina’s shoulder playfully before bringing her lips to her own. A long tender kiss that left them breathless was cut short by a raw “I’ll take that as a yes.” 


	3. It Storms—Inside and Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Dina find themselves in a blizzard. (Smut warning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re enjoying this and I hope I’m doing TLoU justice. (Smut Warning)

* * *

Dina snored, a fact that had grown on Ellie. It was nearly a purr, but sometimes it echoed and was rather violent in nature. Nestled in the crook of Ellie’s armpit Dina snored away at around three in the morning. As much as Ellie knew she needed the sleep, she’d rather admire the beautiful girl, sleepy and disheveled beside her. Ellie hummed softly in content as the morning fog of snow rolled in through the shattered windows of the house. The air was cold on her nose but she was warm under the blankets, their bodies intertwined. Dina’s snoring ceased suddenly followed by a quiet disgruntled sigh.

”Why are you still up?” She murmured into Ellie’s chest.

”Sorry, sorry. Nothing Dina, go back to sleep.” Dina raised her head and forced her wilting eyelids open.

”What’s wrong?” She whispered.

”Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Ellie let her head drop back against the couch and shut her eyes.

Dina was quiet a moment before poking Ellie playfully in the cheek.

”I can see right through you idiot. Don’t avoid the question.” Dina smirked tiredly. Ellie sighed in response.

”Just worried. That’s all.” There was a pause.

“...oh. That’s it? El you’ve gotta be more specific there hun.” Dina teased, fiddling with the drawstrings of Ellie’s sweatshirt to pull her closer. 

“It’s just... someone from that group ran off... and I just can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“Oh wait so you’re worried he might like, come back?” Ellie remained silent. “Oh, hun he’s probably gone back all freaked out talkin’ about the big bad wolf. He’s probably scared shitless.” Dina joked, shoving Ellie’s chest playfully. 

“Yeah.... yeah, you’re probably right,” Ellie whispered with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

* * *

Having stumbled upon an abandoned supermarket later that afternoon, Ellie and Dina found themselves scavenging through an old abandoned room that smelled faintly of mold and fungi. Ellie shuffling through a locker picked up a small shotgun worn down and bloodied.

”Oh fuck yeah this is what I’m talkin about. Imma name this lil guy shorty.” Ellie chuckled before pumping a shell into place. 

“Dina?” Ellie called out, turning behind her at the lack of response. Dina was halfway down the hall, crouched beside a mass of fungi with something in her hands.

”Hey, Dee you alright over there?” Ellie turned, walking towards her.

Dina had tears running down her cheeks behind the mask, looking up at Ellie with sad eyes. Her hand closed firmly around a chain of sorts. She shook her head.

”Sorry, sorry... I don’t know why it got me all worked up...” she chuckled faintly through tears. “Should be used to this crap by now...” Dina murmured, holding out the chain to Ellie.

In her palm was an open heart-shaped locket with a young woman holding her young 6 or so year old daughter up to her chest with wide smiles. The picture, now withered and splattered with blood, showed a green and luscious neighborhood in the back, with well-built houses and cars that functioned. Ellie could only sadly smile at the picture. 

“I wish I could’ve seen the world like that for myself sometimes yknow?” Ellie whispered to Dina, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Where people were happy and there was no looming threat of death.” 

Dina nodded gently.

”But hey Dee, you know what?” She whispered. Dina looked up at her, furrowing her brow in confusion. “I’m pretty happy with you, and the looming threat of death only makes us stronger.” 

Dina scoffed. “That’s cheesy. And stupid.” She chuckled.

”Hey, but it made you smile dipshit.” Ellie chuckled, standing up and holding out her hand. “Come on now, we got stuff to loot.” 

Dina took her hand, pulling herself up off the floor. 

“Yeah yeah, I know.” She snarked, walking over to a nearby shelf and pocketing a bottle of alcohol.

Ellie sent a worried glance over her shoulder at Dina, her brow creased and eyes somber. Slipping between a gap in the wall she walked into a second adjacent room to investigate further. A loud creak echoing beneath her sent her into hyperdrive. Her foot sank between linoleum sheets, locking her boot in place. 

“Fuck!” She murmured turning to face Dina who rushed over and grabbed her hand tight.

”Ellie!” She shrieked as the floor gave way, tumbling through dust and rubble the two fell through to the room below. 

Ellie groaned in pain, trying to push a slab of concrete off her chest. Her breathing felt raspy and heavy. Dina got up and started to push the slab off muttering under her breath_ fuck fuck fuck. _The throaty and sporadic clicking noise sent pins and needles up her back. Clickers. The air was heavy around them and the spores were thicker and denser. Dina turned on her heel, gun raised at the approaching fungal beast. Waiting, patiently, Dina cocked a bullet into place. 

BANG. BANG. 

Two shots echoed out in the large open room, bouncing off the walls back at them. Dina quickly shoved the concrete off of Ellie with a grunt, dragging her behind a fallen shelf. 

“Are you okay Ellie?” She whispered harshly, glancing at nearby infected. 

Ellie winced. “Yeah yeah I’m-“ she paused, looking at Dina, her eyes focused on the glass of her own mask. A deep crack had shattered the right half of her vision. “-I’m fine.” 

Slipping away before Dina could notice the crack and begin to panic, Ellie slipped further into the room to take out a runner. They’d have to talk later, but not yet. 

After the last infected had fallen and the dark spore filled room was silent, Dina called out for Ellie to find her. Dina sat by a large metal door with small little windows that were thickly covered with dust. A small dim amount of light broke through, but upon dusting it off, snow flecked daylight shone through onto the collapsed shelves. 

“Found our way out!” She chuckled. “You know I’m the more capable one in this-“ Dina’s face dropped, turning to face Ellie. 

Her breath caught in her throat and halted as her hand rushed to her mask. Her fingers brushed the crevice in the glass as her heartbeat rose and her breathing grew more frantic.

”No no no- nonono- oh god no please-“ Tears began streaming down her face as Ellie put her hand up, holding the back of her head as if to calm her.

”Dee it’s alright- I’m okay.” Ellie whispered but the words didn’t seem to reach her. 

“No no no El I can’t- I can’t- how? Oh god... when? Was it the fall? How long do you think... oh no oh-“ Ellie winced and took off the mask. “Why? Ellie put that back on!” 

Ellie sighed and deeply breathed in the spite filled the air. “Dina- I’m not going to die.” Dina froze in place. 

“Are you... are you trying to joke with me? Right _now_?” Dina put her hand to her mask.

”Dina. I’m immune.” Dina let out an audible scoff. 

“You’re what now?” She raised her eyebrows, hoping for it to be the truth but in denial all at once.

”Immune.” 

“Well, that’s awfully cocky.” She lowered her head. “...How do you know?” She whispered so softly Ellie almost didn’t hear her.

Ellie paused a long moment. “I’ll explain later.” 

“And you promise not to eat me alive first right?” Dina’s voice trembled softly, tears in her eyes. 

“Pinky swear.” 

“God, you scared the shit out of me.” Dina chuckled with worry softening the edge. 

“Sorry about that.” Ellie smiled. “I’m okay though. Promise.” 

Dina nodded softly, strands of hair shining in the small amount of light.

”Let’s get the hell out of here so I can see your face again.” Dina pushed the metal door open, pulling off the mask and breathing crisp winter air. 

The snow had gotten heavier and the wind had picked up. They could hardly see a few feet in front of themselves and the bitter cold had begun to bite.

”Shit. Never mind that. Let’s find someplace to hunker down in that isn’t filled with spores.” Ellie chuckled as Dina swatted at her face.

”Fuck it’s in my _eye_.” She whined at the snow. 

“You think Dick and Nathan will be okay in the snow?” Ellie remarked, looking in the general direction they’d left them. Dina huffed.

”Ugh. No. Probably not. It’s a blizzard El.” She grunted. “We can make our way up that way.” 

Trecking up the hill with snow piled up to their knees, Ellie rubbed her hands together and blew hot air into them. Nathan and Dick whined from the top of the hill where they entered and Dina hurried her pace with heavy footsteps sinking deep into the snow, turning her head over her shoulder, Ellie, only a few feet away, was still mostly obscured. Covering her eyes from the blazing storm Dina cursed under her breath with an exhale, shaking her head.

"We're gonna need to find a place to bring them inside," She shouted over the roaring wind. "But I can't see three feet in front of me!" 

Ellie sighed, looking around blindly through the snow. She held her hand out to the right towards the side of the supermarket they'd been in previous. She shook her head back and forth in frustration.

"Crap... well, wasn't there a- yknow a shed? Or like a garage- that way?" Ellie pointed opposite the wall and Dina chuckled.

"I can't see which way you're pointing!" She shouted over the wind, trudging further through the snow. Ellie grumbled before clambering up the snowy hill with bare hands. 

Frostbitten noses and fingertip left them red-faced as they scrambled to Dick and Nathan who were whining and rearing up their hooves. Dina reached out and placed her hand of Ellie's shoulder carefully with a quiet muttering of _keep close_. Mounting the horses who whined as wind nipped at their heels, Dina began guiding the horses down towards the cluster of buildings below shouting all the while. Coming up to a large metal door Dina laughed out loud, the sound muffled by the wind.

"Shit! You were right! Help me get this open!" Dina yelled, hopping off of Nathan, patting him softly with a '_Good boy, Hold on a minute.' _

Ellie hopped off of Dick rushing to the metal garage door, heaving it upward and pushing it overhead as Dina ushered the horses into the garage. The floor was wet and mildewy and the whole room was dark and smelled of mold. Ellie dropped the metal door leaving them in a moment of darkness before Dina flicked on her flashlight. Nathan reared up and whined, splashing his hooves in the puddles on the floor. The room seemed to be an old auto repair shop, with tools, workbenches, and a broken-down car trashed about the place.

"Woah woah, it's okay buddy." Dina cooed to the spooked pale brown horse.

Moving up to higher ground and out of the water, Dina and Ellie sat down on damp ground. With wet and frigid fingertips, the two shivered and held each other close, wrapping themselves up in each other.Clouds of warm air puffed out of their mouths and dissipated into the cold.

”So... about the thing...” Dina murmured with her head rested on Ellie’s shoulder.

”You mean the immunity thing?” Ellie deadpanned with a shiver, Dina merely responded with a nod.

”It’s a long story, but in brief-“ Dina cut her off. 

“I don’t want it in brief Ellie. We have all the time in the world.” She shakily exhaled. Ellie paused, taking a deep breath and nodding.

”Yeah... Yeah you’re right.” 

“When I was 14, before I met Joel, my best friend was Riley Abel. She was... something else. We were close, but she was with this group, the fireflies, and she was going to leave.” She chuckled sadly at the memories before rubbing her hands together. 

“She took me on this mall extravaganza thing, showed me all sorts of things, stole my water guns back... she was a huge charmer and kind of a dick, you would’ve loved her.” Dina dropped her head a little with a sad smile, she could feel at least part of the story ahead. 

”Riley said she wouldn’t go if I told her not to, and when I did she ripped off the dog tags. It was so in the moment...” Ellie sucked a deep breath in. “I kissed her. I just wanted us to be together and happy forever... but it never—it didn’t—work out that way.” Ellie corrected harshly.

”We both got bit. She said ‘let’s be all poetic and lose our minds together,’ and I never did.” Ellie shivered and pulled Dina in closer. “Three weeks later the leader of the fireflies hired Joel and this woman Tess to bring me across the country to make a cure.” 

Dina nodded “That’s why you were traveling with Joel.” Ellie nodded.

”We made it there—and Joel brought me back to Jackson. He told me they had others and had given up—but I know Joel... I know when he’s lying. Needless to say that’s where the distance between us came from.” Dina’s brow furrowed. 

“Wait so-“ Ellie nodded. 

”I don’t know exactly the truth- but he told me not to let anyone in Jackson know just in case. I think that... I think he lied and the fireflies are still looking for me... I just don’t know why.” Ellie chuckled.

”But... five years later and I’m still kicking.” Dina let out a laugh and burrowed her head into Ellie’s shoulder, her breathing stifled by laughter.

”What?” Ellie giggled to which between laughs Dina choked out,

”_Kicking_ *laugh* not... _clicking_.” Ellie chuckled back at her, shaking her head in disbelief. 

“That’s—that’s— _so bad.” _Ellie wrapped her arm around Dina’s shoulders and she in turn, enveloped herself further into Ellie’s grasp. 

“For the record—I’m glad you didn’t loose your mind.” Dina smiled before sighing with sarcasm lacing her tone. “Although, you might’ve lost part of it considering—“ Ellie cut her of with a push on the shoulder and a mess of giggles.

Normally, Dina nestled so close to her chest would give her nerves, but the sheer cold and comfort of her body was calming. Ellie exhaled shakily with a shiver, huddling for a moment longer to soak up the heat and feelings between them. She winced before pulling away, a disgruntled whine escaping Dina at the lack of Ellie to hold her. 

Standing and rushing over to her discarded bag, she unraveled the bedroll and laid it down with a soft, “_better_?“ 

Dina nodded vigorously before tucking herself into the bedroll and holding her arms out to Ellie whom promptly squeezed in. There was no space between them, thighs pressed to thighs and stomachs pressed on stomachs. Every inhale was perfectly out of sync, pushing out as the other sucked air in. They maintained a closeness that stuck them tightly together, breaths heavy and noses bitten by the cold air around them. 

Dina’s eyes raised up to Ellie’s, whose breaths were growing heavier and heavier as the warmth in her stomach grew and spiraled. Her teeth grazed her bottom lip so gingerly it only could have been on purpose. It suddenly felt way too hot despite the chill of the blizzard outside.

In a flash Dina’s lips crashed into her own and her fingertips danced nimbly underneath the hem of Ellie’s sweatshirt. Her fingernails dug and clawed at Ellie’s back, releasing a deep throaty moan- nearly a growl in the back of her throat- that sent chills down Dina’s spine. Their tongues danced together and Ellie pulled Dina’s hips into her own, a whimper of pleasure escaping Dina’s lips with a gasp. She chuckled and pulled away for a rushed moment, out of breath and voice shaky.

“That’s one way to get warm.” She laughed against Ellie’s lips before dragging them back into her own. 

Pushing her hands up Ellie’s shirt and rubbing the taught muscles in her shoulder blades, she broke the kiss to pull the sweatshirt and shirt up over Ellie’s head. Ellie gasped at the momentary chill before Dina pushed herself flush against her chest as Ellie’s hands worked away at pulling up the hemming. Dina’s hands, flustered and moving quickly, went to Ellie’s bra; she shot her eyes up to Ellie’s as if she was asking permission yet there was a silent plead of desire in her eyes. Ellie nodded and as soon as the had, the clasp was undone and the bra fell away. 

Ellie took in a deep breath before pulling Dina’s shirt over her head and burying her head in her neck, softly biting the skin and sucking gently. Dina moaned and grit her teeth, leaning her head to the side to expose more of her neck. Ellie traveled downward at a painfully slow pace, arriving at her breasts and pausing with care. 

“Goddamned—idiot...yes... Yes...Yes.” Dina moaned, pushing her hand on the back of Ellie’s neck urgently. 

Ellie made quick work of Dina’s bra, unclipping it and sucking gently at her nipple, earning a gentle whimper in return. Ellie smirked with satisfaction before trailing kisses down her stomach to her waistband. Dina, mystified, let her head lull back and her eyes close as Ellie unbuttoned her jeans and slowly slid them down, peppering the edges of her blue underwear with feather-light kisses. Dina gently guided Ellie’s head down with the lightest of nudges, exhaling sharply as Ellie left a brief kiss over her underwear. 

“Please Ellie...” Dina trailed off with a groan, wincing softly at her own vulnerability. “Just... _please_?” 

Ellie, not willing to ruin the moment, pulled down her underwear with utmost patience, Dina pleading quietly in anticipation all the while. There was a pause and Dina inhaled sharply before the warm and buzzing yet cold and brisk sensation of Ellie’s tongue flooded her system with pleasure, turning her into a mess of moans and whimpers. Ellie has never heard a sound so sweet and she was determined to soak it up while it lasted. Dina guided Ellie to the most pleasurable position and let her fingers dance behind her ears in a way that nearly tickled. Dina, lost in sensation gasped loudly and her thighs began to twitch around Ellie’s head gently as she slowly fell into her orgasm. There was a long moment as Ellie gracefully pulled Dina’s hips closer and Dina’s clenched muscles all gradually loosened. 

Panting and sweaty with eyes that fluttered half shut, Dina huffed. “God.... You’re surprisingly good at that.” She chuckled, sleepily pulling Ellie up to kiss her and tasting herself on her tongue.

”Surprisingly?” Ellie chuckled into her mouth to which Dina sighed with a laugh, “You know what I mean.” 

Dina sloppily fiddled with Ellie’s jeans, tugging tiredly at the waistband. Ellie smiles softly and pulled away, placing her hands on Dina’s. 

“Dina, you’re half asleep.” She chuckled, pecking Dina in the lips gingerly.

Dina, eyes closed, murmured a disgruntled “I am _not_. It’s your turn El...” Ellie kissed her gently on the cheek and began to pull her shirt back on. 

“It’s okay darling, get some sleep.” A deep sense of comfort and the quiet kind of happiness washed over Ellie, something that she hadn’t truly felt in a long while.

“There’s always tomorrow.”


	4. Blood and Iron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in a day— a lot can change— and as Ellie Williams knows all too well, nothing good ever lasts.

Dina’s eyes fluttered open... at some point. With the vague daylight peering through small dust-covered windows, she could only estimate it was later than Ellie, as always. Sure enough, the small bedroll was lacking a member and Dina groaned with displeasure, glancing around the dim room. Nathan and Dick stood in the main section of the garage, neighing softly and flipping their ears; Ellie sat crouched a few feet away in her bag before hearing Dina rousing from sleep.

She turned her head over her shoulder, “Oh you’re up, sleepyhead.” She smiled warmly and Dina’s heart melted.

“Yeah I’m up— and I could actually—“ Dina paused her dirty snap back with a frown. “What’s that?” She gestured to Ellie’s bag to which she looked away frowning.

“We’ve only got a days worth of rations left.” She muttered. Dina have a half smile that emitted a purposeful awkward nature.

“Well I guess it’s good I’ve got something else to eat.” Ellie scoffed and her ears blossomed red and Dina laughed maniacally. 

“But... really. I’m gonna head out for a hunt.” Ellie said, swinging her bow over her shoulder. Dina frowned and her brow furrowed.

“Has the storm broken?” Ellie paused unsurely. 

“... no. Not fully no. But it’s enough that I might find something out there.” Dina sat up in worry.

“What if it picks up again...El, were prepped for cold weather, not a blizzard—you’ll freeze.” Dina whispered with a tremble shaking her words gently in her throat.

“I’ll be fine. We don’t really have much of a choice anyway...” Ellie tucked her switchblade into her waistband and stood up. 

Walking through the ankle high half frozen water and lifting the garage door she smiled over her shoulder at Dina.

“I’ll be fine Dee, I’ll be back soon.” Dina nodded, her eyes downcast. 

“I’ve got a bad feeling Ellie.” She said. “Don’t go.” 

Ellie looked down, before looking up at her with a smile and blowing a kiss. “I’ll be back soon, promise.”

Slipping outside the door and shutting it behind, the wind and snow kicked up around her. Closing her eyes she whispered under her breath, “love you.”

* * *

Ellie raised her bow at the light brown bunny rabbit, the fletching of the arrow just barely grazed her cheek. Lining the tip of the arrow up with the chest and dropping it just below, her fingertips released, the arrow searing through the heavy snow and into the rabbit. Tying it to her waistband along with a second white rabbit, Ellie turned, placing her hand on a tree she had scored to not get lost in the snow. If there was one thing Ellie had learned since Boston, it was navigation. 

Her footsteps disappeared under new snow hardly a few minutes from where she stood as she trekked back. Hands caressing deeply scored trees back through the withering woods, she made her way back toward the crumbling town. 

Stepping back into open snow she scaled left towards the supermarket with one hand shielding her eyes from the snow. A crunch of snow out of her field of view set Ellie into high alert. Every sound was loud and even in the muddle of snow and violent winds everything appeared in high definition. She wasn’t far from home but that didn’t matter, if she led someone there it would be worse than an outside confrontation. It could become an ambush. 

A light click of metal on metal whipped Ellie’s head over her shoulder; a man, standing at around six foot tall in black robes rushed at her, dagger in hand. Her hand went up fast and parried the first attack before the second dagger surprised her, slashing her lightly across the stomach. She didn’t have time to check the severity before the man growled over the howling winds. 

“Sinners will find home in hell!” Blood dripping down the blade Ellie rushes forward headfirst, ramming the man into the snow. 

She pulled her switchblade and slashed him across the throat, his words dying in a throaty gurgle. His blue eyes rolled back and his body slackened. Ellie took heavy breaths of cold, dry, air before patting him down. Nothing but the daggers and a small scratched paper note in a scrawling shorthand she couldn’t understand. Sighing and looking around, Ellie found the immediate vicinity quiet, which wasn’t a shock since her field of view was so small in the blizzard. Her fingertips were numb and she felt the trickling ice of frostbite nipping at her extremities. If she couldn’t see them she just had to trust they couldn’t see her either.

Walking back towards the garage, a glint in the snow caught her eye. Leaning over curiously, a small metal cross on a chain laid half buried in the white. Shaking her head, she continued on._ It probably doesn't mean a thing_ she thought.   


The final distance trudging to the auto shop felt impossibly long. A deep and heavy feeling in her chest clutched at her throat. Breathing felt hard although she couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Ellie had felt this before. Dread. She had felt it in the woods with the deer before David, before the fireflies in Salt Lake City, and before she and Riley had gone to the mall. It was a deep emotion that churned her stomach and boiled her blood in the cold.   
  
Pulling up the garage door she peeked inside and glanced around. The horses remained kicking their hooves into the sludge of ice and water, the room remaining equally as cold. Shutting it behind her and setting her spoils aside she called out with an inexplicable sense of urgency choking her voice. 

“Dina?”  


Every moment passed so slowly, broken into smaller moments as she listened to the twitch of Nathan’s ear and the crackle of the sludge under her boot. Everything took up so much time yet none at all. Was the lack of response in this time reasonable or was this abnormal? She decided not to test the theory, pulling out her switchblade before calling again.

”Dina, you in here?” Her words echoed back at her and she paused listening ever so carefully before a shuffling caught her attention.

”Shit!” A scramble in the adjacent room sent her heart into a spasming panic.

”Yeah! Shit... yeah I’m here!” Dina’s voice called out and Ellie stayed painfully still.  
  
Dina emerged from the back room with messy unkempt hair and a half filled bag. She smiled meekly, revealing half her face red and cross hatched from sleep.

”Well uh, you see... I may have called asleep gathering stuff in the back... We can’t all be as alert as—“ 

Dina chuckled but her expression wilted as Ellie’s eye caught her own. She looked violently pale, whether from cold or fear she couldn’t tell, and her eyes were wide as if she was taking in everything around her way too quickly. Her breathing was nearly halted in place. Dina stepped forward with a heavy crease in her brow.

”Hey. Ellie?” Her hand caressed the girl’s cheek. “Are you alright?”

Ellie was still. Her eyes continued to stare off in the same point in space as Dina examined her closely. Dina placed her hand in the soft side just above Ellie’s hip and the girl recoiled suddenly, her breathing picking up pace. Stepping back rapidly her hand shot up and scratched at her throat violently and the other covered her mouth. Rapid and harsh breaths escaped her lips, void of pattern or structure. In-in-out-in-in-in-out-in-in-in-out-out.  


Dina in a flurry crouched beside her as she fell back onto her butt in the sloshy wet snow. Her hand palms out to the panicked girl.

”Hey woah—woah. Ellie? Breath with me okay? Look at me. Deep long breaths okay?” She buried her knees in the water and snow and emphasized each breath with her hands as Ellie’s eyes remained downcast, yet her breathing slowly began to steady.  


Her fists clenched and unclenched, fingernails drawing lines of blood in her palms. Dina reaches her hands out slowly and with a careful motion took her hands in her own. Ellie flinched briefly before loosening.

”Hold my hands. Breath and just feel that I’m here okay? I’m here with you. You’re okay everything’s okay.” Dina whispered with the to softest tone Ellie had ever heard from her lips.

It wasn’t quite like hearing though. There was a distance between it. She sounded far away and despite her hands holding Dina’s they still felt disconnected. It felt off. It felt wrong. She couldn’t breath and her eyes were unfocused. Over time however, their hands felt more together, and her breathing grew more and more patterned.

“One... Two... Three...” 

Ellie’s hands suddenly loosened in her grip and slipped to her lap.   


“sorry... sorry. I—“ She murmured, voice raspy from panic.

”Don’t apologize... it’s okay. Just talk to me please?” Dina’s hushed voice sung like a melody.

Ellie shook her head. “It’s complicated— I just had a feeling. A really bad gut feeling and for some reason every ounce of my body thought you were gone.” She rattled. “That you were hurt—or—” 

Dina nodded. “I get it. It’s okay though, I’m here. I’m here.” She pressed her hand into Ellie’s palm.

”Now, let’s get out of this sludge.” She smiles warmly and pulled Ellie to her feet before walking towards their makeshift fire with a warm and bantering chime about Ellie’s hunt.   


* * *

Three towns over, one week later, the storm had settled into a thick layer of snow and oddly warm skies. Aside from the snow wrapped around their calves they were warm. Tying their horses to posts at a small quaint homestead buried in the woods, Ellie glanced around for any sign of unwelcome visitors. Oddly, They hadn’t come across anyone since the blizzard: a fact that sat cockeyed in Ellie’s gut.   


Walking inside, there was no sound of footsteps or breathing- no clicking of clickers- no out of place floorboards creaking; yet the house felt warm. Not a comforting warmth but a warmth from a fire that had recently been smothered or just a few too many visitors. Dina’s eyes locked with Ellie’s and Ellie nodded before they split up across the house with careful footfalls. They made it a point to stay in eyesight at all times as Ellie scaled one half of the dining room and Dina scaled the other. _Silence:_ With a stiffness to it that kept their breaths light and contained. 

Dina’s revolver was drawn. Even so, she was reluctant to click the bullet into place for fear of making a sound. Ellie’s switchblade was drawn—quiet and efficient if it came to it. The bile rose in Ellie’s throat and chills wormed their way up her back. Something felt off but she couldn’t quite place it— like a possession misplaced or the front door unlocked. They locked eyes once before they lost sight of each other. Ellie ducked into the spare bedroom as Dina went into the living room.  


They could handle themselves. Ellie was sure of it. Yet she couldn’t explain the whirlwind brewing inside her— a storm of worry and anxieties. She walked towards the bathroom and pushed the door in with the gentlest of creaks. No one inside. There was no _real_ reason to assume anyone was here at all yet. It could’ve just been well insulated yet the instincts Ellie had fine tuned and developed were in overdrive.

Ellies head turned back at the crash of... something. Something loud and echoing followed by a quieter muffled chaos Ellie couldn’t quite decipher. Darting into the hall with her heart in her throat and white-knuckling the blade— Ellie found no one. Her mouth opened to call out Dina’s name yet fell flat. There was silence. 

Ellie felt a sick sense of familiarity wash over her before she drew her gun and pressed herself against the wall. Her footfalls were silent like a fox in snow. If there was one thing she knew how to do... it was survive. The living room was empty. The next spare room was empty. Large glass windows were untouched and for the moment— no blood was in sight. She was only left with the small narrow staircase leading down into a cellar of sorts.

She gulped. Bringing the gun up she slowly took step by step down the stairs with a shudder. Blood was smeared beneath the door and nausea hit her like a train. She swallowed it down before placing her hand on the doorknob. 

Peeking inside she saw Dina—hunched over on the floor with a gag in her mouth and her hands behind her back—a tall man a bald head and jagged scars across his cheeks lingering over her—blood dripping from her forehead—a hammer in his hand—a chillingly cold room with windows that rested at ground level the ceiling—she was moving before she could stop herself—her eyes wide and gun at the ready—rage fueled her and with the determination of a one man army she barged in—her finger on the trigger—ready.

Swiftly from the side she lost her balance as two men knocked her gun and her to the floor. She stretched to reach the gun as it skidded across the floor with a grating screech before they pinned her hands beneath her. Her eyes frantically went to Dina who stirred and groaned—raising her head slightly. Disoriented and dazed, she let out a muffled noise through the gag as a women chuckled from the corner. 

“The wolves threatening our herd— killing our people... you were easy to track.” 

She stepped forward and Ellie tried not to flinch but failed as her boot grazed the side of her face before locking with the floor. 

“Who are you?” Ellie snapped and wrestled against the two men pinning her down.

”It doesn’t matter to you—it will all be over soon.” She stalks over to Dina and crouches down in front of her with a devilish smile.   


”Don’t you touch her!” Ellie snarls.  


Under her breath she lets out a snarling: “Jai was right about you— you’ve got fight.” 

The women pauses a second too long for Ellie’s liking and her hand flutters to Dina’s wrist, gently caressing the hamsa.   


“You’re a believer...” she whispers and stands abruptly. “Take her to the camp.”   


Turning to Ellie, whose face has paled and wrinkled in hatred, she chuckles.

”Don’t worry... we won’t hurt her.” She smiles and steps around them.   


“Meet us back at the camp. We’ll make an example out of her there.” Strolling outside, the man drags Dina out behind her.

A deep primal feeling stirs within her. She can only ask _why_?- In her head. She asks _why_? -Are they taking Dina? She asks _why_? -Isn’t she being carried away yet? She asks _why_? -Is she so afraid? 

She feels they hands on her lower back and one of them sneers before slamming her torso into the cold ground. It all rings in her mind like a clock striking midnight. It reverberates through her like chalk scraping a blackboard or a bloodcurdling scream. Their hands travel to her chest—her waistband. Everything feels cut short. She can’t tell if she’s stopped breathing or if her heart has stopped beating. It’s been so long since she’s been so afraid.

”_please stop_.” Are the only words she can will out of her lungs.

She just wants to go back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I hurt myself like this lol. Hope you’re digging it.


	5. The Cold and The Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie is reminded of her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, it's been a while, busy af. Short chapter sorry.

LATER

When the snow stops, Ellie doesn't notice. Everything feels the same dark and sickening cold as before... before. Her eyes drifted to the snow and down to the buried dirt beneath it. Before it. Everything was coated in an icy haze, fuzzy, broken up, messy. There was a line in the snow behind her as they dragged her by her shoulders, her toes dragging. A line between before and after. Again. It felt like every ounce of air was gone: her chest was still, her face was blank. Blood was splattered across her cheeks, hers or not. Everything is fuzzy, was fuzzy? Both. Her skin tingled on fire like it had been burned. The snow was gone from the sky but she knew deep, deep down that the blizzard would never be over. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW

Ellie's heart had stopped. She was absolutely sure of it. The hands on her sides where steel toes had once kicked, the hand touching her neck with enough force to hold her down... she knew what was coming next and her tongue seemed to have lodged itself in her throat. The woman stood tall above her and smiled softly. 

"Your people? Will be ours, She wills it so, sinner... wolf" Her head turns to the door Dina was pulled beyond.

Ellie feels a deep pull at her heard. Despite everything, she wants to tear into the blizzard after her, guns blazing. Her eyes water and tears drop the concrete. 

"She will be one with Her. First, she must pay the price of her sins. You will carry them for her." Ellie's face contorts in confusion ever so briefly before the gunshot rings out BANG in the snow. 

"NO!" She cries, confusion, fear, anger, devastation, she can't tell what bursts out. Is she dead is she dead? Is this my fault? But the familiar pained cry, so quiet from beyond the door, could be none other than the black-haired woman. Her eyes flicker up to the towering... monster... above her with what she would hate to admit was fear. 

"To atone you must repent. You must regret..." she leaned down to touch Ellie's red tear-struck face. "and I will make you regret ever crossing paths with the seraphites." 

Ellie nodded vigorously. The monster stood and nodded. 

"She will accept the first price as blood, the second?" Her face remained painfully still. "Pride. I will see you later wolf. Prove to me your deepest regret and we can talk."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Dina's hands were tied. The blood pooled underneath her as the now shattered kneecap of her left leg twisted further with every breath. There was an element of shock, the pain hadn't quite fully set in but the image of red and white bone remained ingrained in her memories like a shadow. Like a dream or a hallucination, it felt painless, well actually entirely feeling-less. She knew sooner or later it would set in, but for now, she waited for anything: a sound, a feeling, a smell. The smell came first. Metal, blood, sulfur. A concoction of infection and pain. Then the sound. After the gunshot her ears rang for a moment but a scream... Ellie's voice... blew through the door. Fear- no terror - taking hold. Then, the feeling. The feeling of resting a hand on a hot cast iron except for this time she couldn't move her hand away. This accumulating, cooking, of her leg alongside a confusing numbness, left the breath gone from her lungs. The pain escaped quietly, as she'd grown accustomed to in this world. Stay quiet... stay quiet. You'll be fine she winced so hard she felt her teeth would crack. 

The man beside her chuckled and brought the rifle back up to his shoulder. The other started to pull her up by the shoulders as she yelped at the pain of her dismembered leg. The emotions started to spill out with tears and dry heaves. Ellie... Jackson... home. She'd been completely alone for ages at a time, yet surrounded by these group members--monsters--she'd never felt more lonely in her life. 

The door swung out, the woman walking out swiftly. Dina's eyes honed in, everything in a hyperaware shakey detail. Ellie's face behind her carried such a tearful and haunted expression Dina had never seen in her. She'd seen her panic attacks, her breakdowns, PTSD like responses, but not this, not from Ellie. As the door closed again, Dina knew that expression would linger in every nightmare she'd have for the rest of her days. As they dragged her through the snow to the woods, the pain in her chest ached worse than the wound in her leg.

That one would heal. 


	6. The Evil Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find themselves at the seraphites camp.

She had never seen snow so grey before. Ellie sat still on the back of a horse-drawn carriage, her hands tied behind her back with frayed rope, dead eyes staring over into the wilted forest. A stirring behind her left her stomach hollow. Since their discovery of... something? With the interest they had in Dina. It seemed they had changed their mind about how this was going to go. Whatever that was supposed to mean. 

Dina's soft shoulder nudged Ellie's back from behind her, a soft groan leaving her mouth as her leg shifted from a tough bump in the road. 

"El?" She whispered over her shoulder. A man with a hammer glanced up at the noise curiously. Waiting.

Ellie remained a deathly quiet that shook Dina inside and out. Her face was shaded to Dina's view but she was sure it was rock hard and stoic. Her lips were probably pursed into a thin line, eyes narrowed and brow furrowed. Ellie always had that expression plastered on her when she was mad. But Dina hesitated; this was different. She'd never seen Ellie this worked up, this mad, this... broken? The word didn't sit right in her gut. Ellie was not broken. She wasn't some weak girl that needed saving. There wasn't another word Dina could feel out in her mouth. 

"Ellie?" She whispered again, softer with concern. Ellie shifted ever so slightly, with what Dina would almost say was a quiver or a tremble. A heavy sigh left her lips shakily, cracking before words could escape. 

"I-" She stopped and closed her mouth tight. She let the drop hang in the air for a moment, freezing her words in the cold. 

"Sorry." She murmured. Dina winced and let her eyebrows pull taut together in worry. 

She moved to rest her cold cheek on Ellie's shoulder gently, the girl flinched back for a moment before groaning in pain from... something... and settled back in with a quiet apology. 

The clomp of horse hooves in the snow brought a moment of peace as the teardrops fell down towards the grey snow. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------  
LATER

The snow was much thinner here, a cluster of wilted and soggy ferns were bogged down with the weight of what remained. Concrete and steel buildings rose up like staircases from the fields. Dina stared up at the open sky as it slowly grew more and more clouded with thick rainclouds. Ellie, however, remained still, her head trained on the twin trail of the wheels in the wet sloppy snow behind them. The crowded concrete structures were claustrophobic, tightly packed like cigarettes in a carton with little room between. The cart slowly rolled to a stop with a huff and the wheels squealed. 

The man in the cart with them stood abruptly, his boots stomping on the wood and leaving a muddied snow trail. Hands wrapped tightly around the ropes tying Dina's hands behind her back as he lugged her up to her feet as she cried in pain. Ellie's eyes flit upward firey and hurt. 

"She can't walk." She snipped but the sound came out frantic and pained. 

"I know." He huffed, hauling her to his shoulder, her feet dangling and dragging on the ground as her arms were wrenched upward painfully. Dina grit her teeth to hold in the cry that threatened to scream out. 

Ellie's eyes followed and she attempted to stand as he pulled Dina out of the cart. He turned on his heel to her and held up his hand stiffly. 

"Wait." he commanded and for a moment her defiance flared up before the terror in her gut hit her like a ton of bricks. Locking eyes with Dina, defeated, she slackened against the ropes.

It felt like forever- waiting. Time slogged by as each moment flared up in her brain. Hands, limbs, her skin. Her skin felt dirty like mud and sweat and snot had been smeared over it; but on a much deeper level, her skin was more than dirty, her skin was the type of dirty she could scrub and scrub and scrub and she would never be satisfied. The clothes she wore were tattered and stained, threadbare as if she'd worn them five years worth over the course of five hours. She felt caked, encased, in someone else; Ellie's thoughts were not her own, her mind was not her own, her body was not her own.

The scuff of boots raised Ellie's head in a flash from her own thoughts. The man was back with a rag, thick and popcorned out in a rough texture. Her eyes went dull, refusing the let herself think ahead, or behind for that matter, as he grabbed her lower jaw. He yanked it down with a small pop as he jammed the gag in her mouth. Her throat tightened as he grabbed her by the shoulder firmly, forcefully throwing her face-first two feet down into the mud and snow. With no hands to reach out, she groaned into the gag as she lifted half her face up. Before she had a chance he lugged her up and pushed her forward with a clumsy stumble into an overgrown concrete parking garage of hell. 

Her eyes widened and skimmed the area in a panic to take in all she could, cars stacked together with tarps thrown over them to make for zoo-like pens where people huddled and watched her, mess hall lines around the decrepit and fallen elevator hallways, and the eyes: every pair of eyes was trained on her as she stumbled with his hand on her back pushing her this way or that. Her reflex to call out names and scoff died in her overturned stomach long before it even had the chance to be stifled by the gag. 

Suddenly the man's hand wrapped around her shirt collar, choking her for a moment before she stopped. The gate with the check in's for cars way back when was overgrown with vines and plant life and just outside the various traffic lights hung low across. Dark grey dying skies had rolled in, leaving the torchlight red over the pavement. She let herself be pushed to her knees as they dragged Dina into the center of a circle that was forming of men and women with heavy cloaks and torches. Jai's cruel eyes peeked out from between two sheets of black fabric and Ellie nearly growled. Confusion bubbled in her stomach like an expired ginger ale that had grown stale. 

A woman, not the woman before but a woman with twin braids of black hair and wrinkles that left her face looking cracked, stepped forward to Dina who had been sat down awkwardly in the circle's center. Her eyes flit up to meet Ellie's with an air of intimidation and command that left Ellie chilled. 

"Let's begin." She yells and it echoes in the streets. 

"All hail Ayin Ha’ra. Sinners shall be cast in suffering." The circle chants. 

"You won't need this anymore..." the woman wraps her hand around Dina's wrist. In a flash and a snap, her hamsa bracelet comes clean off. Dina cries out in terror and tears stream down her face, her eyes wide. Ellie pauses, she had never been too keen on Dina's religion and confusion paints her face.

"Miriam will not protect you." And the woman's eye flashes a sickly green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I am not a practicer of Judaism but I've done a bit of research and hope to produce a good story. I've seen a bunch of theories on Dina's bracelet and the seraphites and this seemed interesting.


	7. Scars Are The Wounds That Never Heal Properly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie isn't ready to give up on Dina.

Ellie's eyes flashed in fear and the tears started to spill. Ellie didn't cry: she wasn't good at it. She yelled, she threw things, she hurt others, she hurt herself, but in total, she could count the times she had cried on two hands. Now, the tears were streaming, open floodgates from the pent up emotion that was stifled. A choked noise escaped her throat as Dina lay on the ground helpless. Her leg limp and disfigured behind her as The Woman, Malevolence, tosses the hamsa bracelet aside. Fear flashes across Dina's face, as the reflection of a small dagger, reaches her cheek.

"Wait! I'll... don't... We'll do what you want okay? We'll do what you want." Dina stammers and pulls her face away from the blade, her eyes frantically lock with Ellie's and Ellie's brow remains taut.

"I don't want anything from you. I want them to see the price humanity pays. Survival does not come from," she gestures the blade forcefully at the discarded hamsa, "_luck_" she spits. 

"Survival comes from hardship- we must rid the world of its sin to survive." She brings the blade up to Dina's cheekbone again, this time drawing blood. "Your hopes do nothing. But you can see... you can change, can't you? You know of the hamsa... you know of the eye." 

Dina hesitates, wincing away from the blade - and then nods. 

"You do not need luck or hopes or prayers. Miriam won't help you. She didn't help any of us- any of our fallen. Did she?" She spits and the blade digs deeper into the flesh.

"no." Dina murmurs to not let the blade dig deeper. She closes her eyes and for a second Ellie recognizes the slight movement of her mouth, a prayer, one she's only seen Dina do over someone fallen or hurt. A quiet plead. 

"No. That's right. What is your name worshipper?" Her teeth shine as the corner of her mouth teases upward.

"Dina." She whispers. 

"Dina..." She mulls it over humming gently. The circle holds its breath. Then swiftly the dagger rakes across the flesh, a deep gash from ear to mouth as Dina cries out.

"Marks of our mistakes are visible to all... Changed one... you will thrive if you follow our rules." Malevolence stands and holds the dagger out, raising her voice. 

"The evil eye of vengeance will keep us alive!" She shouts. "Misfortune will not befall on the survivors!" The circle chants back and Dina cries out, tears dripping. 

"Have you made your decision - Dina?" She leans over and whispers.

Dina shakes and turns to open her mouth, "I-" and the wailing cry of clicks echoes through the streets that have been overtaken by forest. Malevolence stands abruptly and the circle turns, arms raised at the darkness. Shrieks tear through the void and the people slowly start backing up, a retreat. 

"Can you see them?" Malevolence calls.

"There are too many! Get back inside the walls!" A voice cries and they begin to scurry.

"Get up! Get up!" The man behind Ellie shouts as he grabs her by the collar pulling her back towards the camp. Ellie briefly falls back towards him as he tugs, her eyes frantic. The mess of people flooding in her direction disorienting her. As they flood by and the area clears, her eyes catch Dina's. Still, on the pavement, her left with her leg trailed behind, Dina presses her hands to the ground in a feeble attempt to stand on her remaining leg. 

Gaining her resolve, Ellie jams her foot against the ground, holding steady in place as the man gets tugged to a halt.

"What are you doing- MOVE IT! Now! We don't have time for this wolf!" He hollers and the footsteps of infected halt his words in his throat. Glancing around at his missing group he loses his grit. "Fuck this!" He whispers and lets go of Ellie's collar, darting inside. 

Arms roped behind her back and mouth gagged, Ellie bites down around the cloth- _hard_\- regaining herself before rushing forward to Dina. 

"Ellie... I can't run... just go. Go- " She pleads as the footsteps grow closer and more rapid. Ellie shakes her head, teary-eyed, looking around. The discarded dagger on the ground catches the corner of her eye. Dina understands the wide-eyed look Ellie flashes and reaches for it moving to cut the ropes behind Ellie's back. The footsteps stop echoing- and are now a way-too-close reality. The yells are impossibly loud as Ellie turns and scoops up Dina with a yelp of a cry at the crumpled leg's abrupt movement. 

Dina's arm reaches out swiftly grasping at the discarded hamsa, yet missing. Ellie runs and does not stop. Dina cries out softly and holds her arm out at the bracelet as the footsteps become feet and a crowd of infected. Ellie runs and runs, her feet making so little contact with the ground her joints don't ache. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After miles of running gagged and with little oxygen, ducking into a snowed-over cabin, Ellie falls to her knees Dina cradled in her arms. Blood coats her chest and stomach in thick wet crimson. Finally feeling safe, Ellie heaves and rips the gag out of her mouth, the chill of the wood cabin settling over them in the dead darkness of night. 

"Dee?" Ellie's raspy voice hissed at a quiet Dina. "Dee?" She whispered harsher.

Stirring gently Dina's eyes flutter open. 

"Ellie?" She exhales. 

"Hey, you're okay, you're okay..." Ellie hushes, stroking her hair. Her skin is chilly. 

"Ellie... I'm not gonna make it back to Jackson..." Dina cries, her hand on Ellie's heart. Ellie shakes her head teary.

"You're gonna be okay Dee. I'm gonna get you back home." Ellie kisses her forehead gingerly.

"Ellie... We're a week out from Jackson... My leg..." She whispers and trails off. 

"We spent each of those days scavenging... We're not that fa-" Dina cuts Ellie off "We were on horseback El."

Ellie hangs her head. "We were supposed to be back a day ago- they might have sent a search party down the path for us." She soothes. Dina bites her lip.

"Maybe... I don't know how much longer..." She starts.

"Shoosh Dee... you're gonna be okay. I'm gonna make sure of it." Dina nods and closes her eyes. 

"I'm going to sleep... I can't keep my eyes open..." Ellie kisses her on the lips carefully in response. 

"I'll be here when you wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof.


	8. Leaving is the Hardest Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie refuses to lose hope. She's too stubborn.

Ellie watches as Dina's eyes flutter shut and she grits her teeth until they creak. Dina's right. There's no way in hell she's getting Dina all the way back to Jackson like this. A shotgun blasted kneecap, deep cuts and gashes. She can't walk and she's losing blood. Ellie might be dense sometimes but she knows that she can't get her back. Standing she pulls a knit blanket off the back of a tattered couch and drapes it over Dina. 

She knows she doesn't have the means to help Dina. Doesn't have a suture kit, gauze, antiseptic, braces- nothing. But that doesn't mean she can't put something together. There has to be something around. Scrambling through a medicine cabinet in the bathroom she tosses a nasal spray to the broken tile angrily.

"Fuckin..... damnit... There's got to be something..." She huffs and glances at an orange oil bottle that reads anti-nausea on the side before dropping it. 

She opens the cabinet beneath the sink and pauses. Rolls of gauze, a neck brace, ace bandages maybe? And a bottle of half gone hydrogen peroxide. She gathers it up into her arms and shuts her eyes as the tears well up. She looks up at the busted ceiling light, her throat tight.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Please help me keep her safe..." She doesn't know if anyone's listening but Dina would. Dina would know, Dina would pray, and so Ellie sits and quietly thanks whatever being Dina believes watches over her. 

She stands after a moment and sets the medical supplies down beside Dina as she sleeps. It's not enough for something permanent but maybe enough to get back to Jackson. 

Maybe. 

She tiptoes out of the room and continues searching. The kitchen is bare and their bags are long gone. She winces thinking about the stuff she'll never see again. Quietly, she gratefully mutters about how thankful she is they aren't carrying everything on them as she did with Joel. Ellie briefly debates going out for a quick hunt and quickly shuts that down. She can't leave Dina here, not with those... people... lurking in the area. 

They'll just have to be hungry right now. 

She hears Dina stir and enters back into the living room quietly.

"Hey. You up? You okay?" Ellie murmurs frantically. Dina nods and smiles but she winces as shooting pain in her thigh breaks it.

"Yeah... errr.. yeah yeah I'm okay Ellie."

"While you were asleep I found some supplies," Ellie grabs the gauze and ace bandages. "I couldn't find much else but hold on, I'm gonna try and patch you up." 

Dina looks at the equipment next to her and Ellie's dirtied hands.

"Shit... I might... I might pass out if you do that. Uh..." She winces and scoffs. "Okay... okay... Clean your hands up. I'm sure its gonna be... bad... cut the pant leg off. There's no way that's coming off easy." Ellie quickly starts cutting up and away and Dina yelps.

"Oh. Okay. It might be worse than anticipated..." She cries. The pantleg is soaked through in blood and some of it is gnarled and embedded in the skin. "Shit. Um..."

Ellie looks at her bewildered, she's never dealt with a wound this... unclean. She can stitch a cut, a gash, stitch a rebar... problem.... but this? There's no skin to suture together, no clean lines. Dina furrows her brow and cries a little before closing them. 

"El I'm going to give you some very specific instructions." Ellie nods vigorously.

"Of course. Dee. I've got you." Dina's eyes drift to the floor and she locks eyes with Ellie.

"I need you to leave me." Dina starts and Ellie scoffs.

"Oh no no no Dee. I'm not leaving? I'm _bringing _you back to Jackson. You can't-" Ellie stammers and Dina interrupts. 

"Ellie. We have no weapons - You can't carry me the whole way back. Even after... this." She gestures to the medical supplies. "But you can get to Jackson by foot on your own in a day if you run." Her voice dies into a whisper. "Get a horse, some weapons, and a scout party and you can come back for me. But trying to bring me back, no weapons, on foot in this condition? You can't Ellie. It'll just get both of us killed." 

Ellie's mouth opens and she looks back and forth between both of Dina's eyes, searching for some sort of argument but faltering. 

"I'll walk you through what you can do now but Ellie you have to promise me you'll go. It's the best option." Her voice softens at Ellie's silent panic. "And you know it." 

Ellie sits back for a second and wipes her mouth with her hand before standing. 

"Okay." Her jaw is set and her teeth are clenched. "I'll clean up..." 

Dina laid her head back and prayed. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

"Okay okay what now?" Ellie trembled with blood coating her hands. 

Dina's focus faded in and out at the pressure.

"The- The- ace-ace bandage- wrap it... together- tight... Not too... tight though." The words rumbled out in clusters like boulders. 

"Okay- Got it- got it!" She wraps it and Dina's eyes flutter. 

"Go..." Dina whispers. 

Ellie looks at the wound and back to Dina. 

"I can't you're in no shape-" Ellie starts but Dina whispers and Ellie refuses to miss any more words from her lips. She fearfully soaks up every word like it's her last. 

"The longer... the longer you wait to go the less... likely..." She knows she doesn't have to finish the thought. "I'll fight for you- I'll... wait." She stammers and her eyes drift. "I love you." 

"I love you too Dina." Ellie chokes and the tears flow freely. "I'll be back- I'll be back soon!" She kisses her on the forehead as the pain becomes too much and Dina fades. 

Ellie is out the door lightning fast and she sprints for Jackson with tears running down her face. 


	9. Swallow Your Tongue Ouroboros: I Don't Want To Hear It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running is great to reflect and think stuff over, unless you're Ellie.

The bitter chill of the icy night settled into a wet and soggy morning. The snow melted with the mud and Ellie’s canvas shoes squelched and stuck with each heavy footfall. A steady jog through the muck carried her forward, her pace faster than any jog she’d ever taken before. The adrenaline poured into her veins, covering the ache for sleep in her legs. Bleary eyes scanned every sign, every building. She constructed an internal map as she ran to keep her head occupied.

_ Beaver Creek, _

_ Snake River, _

Strikingly familiar she positioned herself as she scrambled down a steep point in the mountain. Snake River was just west of Jackson, and Beaver Creek was northwest. Shambling and kicking up snow she nodded to herself. They were a lot closer than they had thought. A ways north of Moose and Wilson, two of the towns they’d visited, that put her more at 8 hours, maybe less if she ran fast. 

Where even were they prior? She couldn’t remember. The group was in a more… populated area. The parking garage was clear but in the dark, all she could clearly make out was the concrete tightly framed together. Was it a city? She didn’t know where the closest city even was. How were they ever going to find -

The thought cut off abruptly. She didn’t want to find them. Not if she could help it for now. The thought felt cowardly but Ellie couldn’t help it. Brushing it off, she continued running in an attempt to forget.

But even she knew that wasn’t how it worked.

\-------------------------

Tearing down the mountain to overgrown woods her lungs shook. Roadsigns guided her drifting mind as exhaustion weighted her feet the ground. The snow had begun to fall again and the dry chill burned her throat. Patches of wet slushy snow solidified and slowed her down. They grew wider, thicker, slipperier. But damn if she was going to let it stop her. 

But stop her it did as her shoe caught onto nothing and flew out behind her. Running on fumes already, there wasn’t enough in her to react until her body crashed forward into the snow and her face smacked the ground with a  _ CRACK.  _ The snow beneath her was bloody and she groaned in pain.  _ Broken... Definitely broken.  _ Her fingers digging deep into frozen snow, she pushed herself up with a shiver. She had to keep going. 

Standing and brushing the snow off of her pants she grumbled. 

_ Crunch _

The snow behind her went and she froze. Maybe they were following her? Again…. She whipped her head around but no one was there. Waiting, she braced herself. Any second she felt it. They would jump out and grab her and drag her back to the parking garage.

But they didn’t.

She stood frozen a bit too long before she continued to run, faster than before. But the feeling didn’t leave. 

Overgrown signs worked as trail-markers, leading her back to Jackson. Back home. That was until she saw the roadsign. The one that she knew led to the way-too-warm cabin in the woods. The one with the basement now covered in blood. With the shotgun blast fragments out-back, the soggy cart tracks, their horses.

There was a second where she debated it- going back to see if Dick and Nathan were still chained up outside… but the thought shriveled. Too far. They probably weren’t. And even though she wouldn’t admit it, she couldn’t will herself back there. So she ran past and swallowed the bile threatening to rise in her throat. 

Running. Running. Running. She didn’t stop after that. Not with the lingering image of Dina passed out on the floor of the living room. Blazing into Wilson, she tried to brush off the gore and fear climbing into her head. Dina and her had slept together here. The overgrown grocery store, the garage… the terror. She closed her eyes as she passed. Her breathing picking up.

_ “Breath and just feel that I’m here okay? I’m here with you. You’re okay everything’s okay.”  _

She exhaled with a rattle of cold, pretending Dina was beside her.

_ “There’s always tomorrow.”  _

She repeated it under her breath.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Dee.”

\-------------------------------------------

It was just a way east now. She was so close, nearly there. She had just passed the House-post and she could hear it all over again.

_ “You’re just going to have to have better memories of winter then.” _

Winter. Sucks. She had decided. 

It was only a few miles. She could almost taste the campfire, the cedar woods, Maria’s cooking. She could almost smell the smoke and alcohol. And ever so faintly she swore she  _ could  _ hear it: The hum of Joel playing his guitar on the porch, the popping of the bonfire, the late-night chatter of the adults after all of the children had gone to sleep, and the ever so faint echo of home.

It was her final sprint, she had to make it back- fast- and she wasn’t about to slow down. The tears bloomed in her eyes as the faint orange torchlight of the gate glared off her eyes. It was warm, warm like home. Her lungs rasped and her bones ached with each impact, but she was so close. Her hollow chest rattled as she broke through the foliage.

“Jesse! Tommy! Open the gates! It’s me!” She cried out and hit her hand against the wood, resting her weight against it.

She heaved and waited. And waited. It was too long for her to be comfortable. _No._ She refused. _Nothing else bad is going to happen today. Not today. _

"Ellie?" Jesse's head peaked out and his voice was shrouded in disbelief. "Oh, Jesus- Ellie! Where the hell have you been? We sent out a search party yester-" His voice chopped off and his dark eyes skimmed the foliage.

"Where's Dina?" He stamped and the words burned. She knew Jesse could get mad, hell she didn't blame him she was mad too, but there was this lingering undertone she couldn't shake. She coughed and tried to regain her breath. 

" Where the hell is Dina Ellie?" She could see his jaw set from meters away and she leaned over hacking.

"Goddamn, I can’t believe… she trusted you!" He shook his head and his voice choked. "God she _trusted_ you!" His voice raises higher like a question and cracks. She shakes her head and starts but he interrupts.

"Fuck... I never should have trusted you... I can't believe..." His voice flared and for the briefest of moments, Ellie thinks he might shoot her. 

His accusations burned. He was right. She wasn’t trustworthy. She couldn’t protect Dina. She swallowed it. Jesse was her friend. He was struck by grief. She could take the hit for now. She deserved it didn’t she

She raised her hand up defensively. "She's not- _cough_\- dead Jesse." She wheezed. "Open the damn gate, Jesse, we need to hurry." 

He freezes for a moment, dumbfounded before waving a patrol over and hopping down to open the door. It creaks open and Jesse waits expectantly yet the aura of anger still settles on him like a heavy-weight. 

She points to Joshua, a lanky dark-haired kid she'd been teaching the ropes of patroling. "Get Joel, tell him to bring extra weapons they took mine, get medical." She heaves and wipes the blood from her nose. He nods and darts off. 

"What- Dina's alive? Where is she? Who's they? Why don't you have... anything? Medical? JOEL? I- why- where have you _been_?" Jesse rattles off like a chain of fucked up paper angels. 

Ellie puts her hands on her knees and the dam breaks. The tears start flowing and Jesse softens. He feels like a friend again. 

“We were ambushed.” She heaved and her voice snaps and falters as the tears choke her throat. “It was _so bad_ Jesse they-”

She couldn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t know how to. So the end dissipates into the torch-lit night skies. 

"What happened El?" His brow is furrowed but now she doesn't see rage. Just overwhelming concern. 

She shakes her head and cries. Fuck she hates this. Tears? Not her thing. But she just can't help it. "Fuck..."

"They- we got ambushed. They blew her kneecap out with a shotgun, cut her pretty bad... They took us to this... _place. _Like their base? Something to do with her religion... They took her Hamsa..." She drones on and heaves heavy breaths trying to steady herself. 

"Wait. Wait. What about you?" He looks her over and raises his hand to her nose. She swats it away. 

"That's... unrelated." She gestures to her face.

There's a long pause and she can't will herself to elaborate. She can't _say _the words. Crying, no, sobbing in front of him was enough- she couldn't face that... humiliation. Yeah. That's what it felt like. Humiliation. The tough fighter, the one that trekked the country, the powerful one- completely and utterly used. Weak. Her eyes focused on the snow and she was gone. 

Jesse's stop and go rollercoaster of emotions revved again.

"What did they do to you?" Her head snaps out of the trance but he's already rolling with the weight of a steamroller.

"You’re not trying to tell me you didn’t fight back? That you didn’t fight for her? You fucking  _ let her get _ -" His hand reaches out to push her shoulder and she _yelps. _He flinches back like he's been bitten by a wild animal in shock. 

There's a long lingering pause and she can feel his eyes examining her. Closely. She watches with tears in her eyes as they settle on the perfect ring bruising around her wrists, the pink around her neck, the round bruising: hickies. There are a few moments where it doesn't make sense and she watches the gears click into place as his face falls and slackens. 

"Ellie..." He whispers.

"Don't." She warns but her voice shakes and doesn't hold any weight behind it. 

"Ellie you need to go to medical-" But she can hear it- he doesn't know what to do.

"Dina is hurt. We need horses. Its a trek but we need to go now. Its hours. I ran all day. I patched her up best I could. Couldn't get her back on foot." Her voice is cold but light like snow rather than hard like ice. 

“I’m going to go… grab the horses.” He droned off like he couldn’t figure out how to continue.

And honestly? She couldn’t either.

\----------------------------------

It clicks about an hour into the horseback rescue mission that she hasn't slept in two days. The gentle clomp of hooves start to drift her away and she jolts upright with a murmur of curse words. Joel rides alongside her with a deep crease in his brow. She needed him. He was the rock she needed right now- the challenge felt insurmountable and she needed that safety line. He wasn't the gunslinging beast he was before, but he wasn't too far off. He was her dad. 

That didn't mean she wanted him to know what they did to her. She couldn't stand the look. The _pity. _Jesse gave her the look and it felt like she couldn't breathe. With the unwavering glare in Joel's eyes she couldn't shake the feeling someone told him. That he _knew. _It felt like Jesse's eyes were glued to her, medical's eyes, damn eyes of people that weren't even there. Joshua. Kat. Tommy. Dina. 

She grinds her teeth together and focuses on the: _**WELCOME TO BEAVER CREEK! **_Sign with warm red lettering that makes her cringe. It's so, _happy, _unlike all of the toxically brewed memoriesshe's built here. But right now its where Dina is. That's what counts. 

Joel rears his horse to a halt and holds up his hand. The snow is inlaid with footprints, from long after Ellie had been here. Her heart goes cold and suddenly eyes are on her again, but this time not in pity. She feels like she's being _watched, followed. _

_"_We have to keep going. We have to get to Dina." She rasps and gallops ahead, turning up the harshest part of the mountain. "We're almost there." She follows up with worry streaking her face and they hesitantly continue. 

Midnight fades to a crisp morning and the first rays of light peek through the branches and evergreen needles. Ellie shores her horse on faster, there's a clicking in her head like a clock that exceeds the fear of the footprints. She has to get to Dina. Fast. 

The snow grew thicker as they made it to the mountain trail and the cabin. She dismounted faster and ran ahead _too late, too late _echoing like a bad dream. She opened the door with a quivering breath and inside the air was heavy and cold, like the blizzard had been trapped inside.

"Dina?!" She ran forward to the girl on the ground. Her eyes were still closed and she hadn't moved. The terror crawled up and choked her. "_Dina?" _She cries out because she can't, she can't lose her after all of this. She can't. She's so weary and she can't move forward. 

Dina's breath blows like a groan and her eyes flutter open. Ellie holds her face gently in her hands with her face contorted in a worried love. Dina feebly reaches to touch Ellie's freckled cheek and she smiles ever so softly. Ellie chokes out a laugh through tears.

_"Breath and just feel that I’m here okay? I’m here with you. You’re okay everything’s okay.” _She rasps and lets her voice falter. 

The doctor and a doctor in training they had gone to school with, Aila, rushed over through the door past Jesse, who stood dumbstruck as Ellie pressed her forehead to Dina's. There was a lingering disappointment that hung around him and Joel nudged him with a strong elbow.

"It'll get easier kid. She's okay. They're okay. That's what counts. That's what _matters._" but Jesse doesn't really hear him. 

\--------------------------------

With painkillers, antibiotics, and a heavy brace, Dina takes a turn for the better. Ellie gently carries her out to the horses with a smile that says _its over now _even if in her bones it isn't. 

"Here, uh could I sit in your lap and face you? I don't think my leg can take the side of a horse right now..." Dina shyly asks ask her face wrinkles in pain. 

"Of course... here... just let me know if I'm hurting you alright?" She asks softly as she lifts her up and tries to settle her legs around her waist. Dina winces at first and then nods, wrapping her arms around Ellie's chest and resting her head in the crook of her neck. 

They begin to trot off, having to go a bit slower as Dina cries out from the heavy impact. Soon after they settle into the journey Ellie feels Dina's nose touch the dark bruising on her throat and the instinct to yank back rears its head. She doesn't though. She trusts Dina. There's a comfortable quiet between them as Dina whispers ever so quietly into her skin. 

_ "You came back." _ And she places a feather-light kiss on the dark bruises. Ellies heart races and she tries to push away the memories of the man with scarred fingers and chapped lips on her neck. Dina. It's. Dina.

"Of course I did." She smiles through it and kisses her gently on the forehead. Dina sits in silence.

"You're thinking too loud." She whispers but lets the hurt creep into it. Dina raises her fingertip to the bruise and Ellie sucks in a heavy breath. 

"I'm so sorry Ellie." That snaps her out of it quickly.

"What are you sorry about?" Her eyes creased in worry. Dina shakes her head and touches her own wrist gently. 

"What they... did to you... I think they did it because of me and I just wish I could've-" Ellie hushes her and hums gently. 

"Dina. It's not your fault. I wish I could've done more to stop it too. But we can't. It's over. And It's gonna be okay." She sighs and Dina kisses over the bruises more, Ellie's throat catches. _It's Dina. It's Dina. _She eases into it and tries to forget. Her breath and lips on her skin like butter as she whispers:

"_I love you." _into the nape of her neck like a promise. Ellie lets her eyes drift in something close to content.

"I love you too." She exhales like she's let a weight off her shoulders. 

Dina holds on to Ellie and hums melodies into her shoulder as they trot back. A soft song to calm them both as they gallop past the cabin street, past Wilson, past the housepost. 

The sun fading over the horizon and the chill of winter growing stronger Dina blurts out "Can we start winter over?" 

For a second Ellie thinks its a joke. A mockery and lighthearted remark about their past few days. But her voice is soft and genuine like there's an intent behind it. 

"What?" She scoffs and tries to process but Dina buries her mouth in her shoulder and mutters sadly "For the good winter memories." 

"_Oh_." She softens. 

Winter is always going to suck, she knows that. Even more so after now. But that doesn't matter right now. She sighs and nods.

"Of course. We're going to have our work cut out for us making up for this one though ain't we?" She chuckles and Dina muffles it in Ellie's cotton hoodie. 

Ellie's eyes drift to the snow as they trot past the warm and comfortable housepost. The chill of night falling over them feels nearly light as they near home. Joel whistles as they break through a patch of trees to a mess of collapsed metal frames just outside of Jackson. Their eyes reflect grey smoke and vibrant orange light that engulfs the starry skies.

Jackson is burning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favorite chapter so far- possibly because I had to write it twice (I lost up to the way back to Dina). I cried a little and then re-did all of it. But I cried a bit writing it too. I hope you enjoy it! Please give feedback! I love hearing what you guys think! Especially now that I'm lonely and quarantined :(((


End file.
